All Me

Well this was going to be about me and it is but differently than i thought. Tara today was telling me that i have to hang up some plastic for the windows. She said i would have to rehang his over his window.. i asked why.. She said never mind and on and on cause obviously She had made me angry.. i got angry cause She was talking to me like i was a child.. what i said was that She was talking to me likei was stupid and im not stupid.. then She said because im not to question Her, i said that was before wasnt it.. so yeah now we arent really talking.. i want to talk about but She said not yet.. i just hope this isnt like the other talk we were supposed to have and didnt or the hundreds of issues im not supposed to react upon.. in this house..

i had planned to have this talk much later on,, once we find out if She has cancer or not.. and if so.. prolly after She was better.. She just doesnt see some things.. its time for Her to realize that im a fucking person and the way She lets things go by have affected me and so we must once more change.. well here we go anyways..

i had a heartbreaking blow not long ago.. i thought my son was going to come and live with me.. but it was just his father blowing shit out of his mouth.. i was brokenhearted for my second chance with my son was blown.. and so was my way out.. i want out of this house but i am so in love with Tara.. anyother way this comes out sees us splitting up.. it would hurt so badly.. and i would hurt more for the hurt i had delivered upon Her..

She has had warning it was coming.. from me telling Her i wasnt sure i wanted to be a slave, to me telling Her i wasnt sure how i would turn out or if She would like who i have become.. but there is a flip side..

She did this.. by insiting that i dont totally openly adore and worship Her, and then not to except perhaps in ceartin rare circumstances.. i am an obsessive person.. i used to be obsessive.. willing to give all the loyalty , trust and love i have to give.. dont ask me to take it back.. or hide it under a bushel.. and as to me questioning Her decisions.. look at the ones thus far.. how am i protected? is She taking care of my needs.. those are requirements.. i trusted Her and i almost fell over the edge of nothing ness.. i wont go there.. i am me and here i stand.. love me or leave me alone.